I am not sure what the most surprising part of VH-1’s Scott Baio is 45…and Single; the fact that the former Charles in Charge star drives around in a Mercedes station wagon or the fact that anyone would care that this washed up child star has commitment issues. In the reality television glut, this show hits an all time low. In an effort to get the lifelong bachelor to propose to his current girlfriend Renee, Baio is advised by a life coach to go back and visit all his ex-girlfriends and get a tip list on what he did wrong. Renee is a twenty-something bleached blonde twit so enamored with Baio’s D-list status that she agrees not to see or have sex with Baio for two months while he works through his “issues”. Even more perplexing is the fact that Baio’s three best guy friends, the guy that was the older brother on The Wonder Years and two Soprano-ish idiots have main roles in this reality saga. The Wonder Years guy is affable enough, but the other two are verifiable idiots. Johnny – who Baio describes as his wingman of 23 years – is so ugly, short, balding and heinous looking it’s no wonder he doesn’t want Baio to get married. Clearly, if not for Chachi this dude would NEVER get laid.
Baio is the first to admit that not only has he ever committed to a girl – even though he has dated some of Hollywood’s finest (Pamela Anderson, Denise Richards, Heather Locklear) but also that he has NEVER, EVER not cheated on a girlfriend. What a winner this guy is. In one segment, in a gratuitous move to cash in on his Happy Days years, Baio calls The Fonz (Henry Winkler) to get relationship advice. Are you kidding me? So scripted is this “reality” show that you can almost see the “cast” reading from cue cards. So ridiculous is the premise that methinks entire generations of women are going to line up for the sequel: Let’s Beat the Sh*t out of Scott Baio. While this is dismal television at its finest, there are a few highlights in the big Baio bash: Erin Moran (aka Joannie Cunningham) telling Baio that she broke up with him because he had a small penis and the little girl from Growing Pains, Julie McCullough stating that Baio cheated on her so much that he was the reason for her first AIDS test. With moments like that VH-1 should consider renaming the show to: Scott Baio is 45…and an a**hole. -Linda Przygodski
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