Simon Cowell
With a fast ascent to the top of the 21st century talent show heap built on sniping and only half-witty condescension that has left some American Idol contestants in tears, it is surprising that no one has yet christened Simon Cowell the “King of Zing.”
And he has definitely zinged people, from contestants and audiences, to employees and competitors. After rising through the ranks at Britain’s EMI Music Publishing -- where his father was an executive, which may have helped -- Cowell left in the early 1980s to form E&S Records. Its failure prompted his speedy return to EMI. Later in the decade he left again, this time to experience a degree of success with his Fanfare Records label, whose one star, Sinitta, kept the company solvent.
The 1980s ended with Cowell ensconced in an A&R office at BMG Music, where he made a mark in the pop music world with Curiosity Killed the Cat, Sonia, 5ive, UK chart-toppers Westlife, and actors-turned-singers Robson & Jerome. He worked with these and other acts through the 1990s, and then released a record with some of the World Wrestling Federation (WWF, now World Wrestling Entertainment, WWE) personalities, which was a huge success.
The first few years of the new millennium were busy ones for Cowell. He first starred as a host on the UK show, Pop Idol, in 2001; in 2002 he formed another record label, S Records, and became a judge on Fox’s Americanized version of Pop Idol, American Idol. He married his short-time girlfriend, Jeannette, in October, but the marriage ended in divorce on Valentine’s Day of 2003. By this time in the Idol lifespan, Cowell had already played a part in making Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard and Clay Aiken household names.
In 2004, Cowell returned to “star manufacturing” of his own when his “pre-packaged group” Il Divo, four young opera singers of different nationalities, became internationally successful. Now working under a new corporate umbrella known as “Syco,” Cowell created another British talent show, The X Factor, and installed himself as one of the judges. Doubtless he wished he could have installed himself as the judge in the lawsuit that Pop Idol creator Simon Fuller filed in 2005, alleging that The X Factor had copied Pop Idol’s format. The lawsuit could have prevented Cowell from starring in the fifth season of American Idol, as his original contract with Fox was expiring; however, after Fuller and Cowell settled out of court, “Slimin’ Simon” inked a new five-year deal with Fox.
Now established as a curmudgeonly critic and testy talent scout, Cowell has expanded his critiques from newcomers and “wannabes” to established performers, even so-called divas and icons. He opined in Esquire that Beyoncé Knowles was “overrated” but, on the other hand, he commended Christian Aguilera’s Beautiful for being “one of the best” pop records ever made. His most current “doings” as reported by the tabloids include a relationship with television personality Terri Seymour, and the entertainment industry trade magazines have him taking a producer credit on NBC’s America's Got Talent series starring Regis Philbin.
Already this year, Cowell and American Idol have been satirized in the film American Dreamz, in which Hugh Grant played an obnoxious, Cowell-ish judge of an Idol-type program. Cowell was parodied again in the Nickelodeon cartoon series The Fairly OddParents (the three judges were named Blonda, Binky and Simon) and yet another Nickelodeon show, All That, satirized him with the name “Slime and Bowels.”
Love him or hate him, Cowell has hit upon a profitable formula for casting himself as the ultimate arbiter of all talent. His disingenuous phrase, “I don’t mean to be rude,” is the standard introduction to his latest rude and derisive assessment of someone who has not sufficiently impressed him. While he can also be effusively complimentary and occasionally even kind, it is pretty clear -- considering his position at #33 on a list of “All-Time 100 Worst Britons” -- that the world does not tune in to watch Cowell because they like him or expect him to be nice. It doesn’t bother him, obviously; he’s scowling all the way to the bank.
